Tag: to have friends or not have friends

My Aspergers Journey

I’m at a sort of turning point in my life for the time being; where I finally really take ownership of asperger’s syndrome*. Like say “I have Asperger’s Syndrome” to my family, for example (so far the only example). It may be a surprise that … Continue reading My Aspergers Journey

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History of Bad Parties

clipart of disco dancers with a disco ball and glitter, blue colours

 
In my youth years, I felt I had to take the opportunities I got to meet people and go to parties so that I could say (if asked) that I had been to a party fairly recently. It was my impression that young people who didn’t go to parties were losers, and I didn’t want to be one of those, at least not that obviously.
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Words that sink me

bottom of ocean, smashed sea urchin shell, mados fish

 
 
My family & the friends questions

Every time around this time of year, which is my birthday, I feel dragged down into a sense of implied failure that I don’t endorse; but which affects me anyway. That isn’t because it is my birthday. It is because of all the well intentioned remarks and questions I get from my family abroad in emails, facebook messages and basically upon any contact with them, along the lines of:

  • I hope you are enjoying your birthday with good friends.
  • So, I suppose you’ll be going out for dinner with your friends?
  • How was your party/dinner? [surprised tone:] You staid home? Why??? Don’t people usually go out and celebrate their [x]’s birthday?

(Typical standard questions asked by my mother and a variety of maternal aunties)

The questions are awkward because I hardly have any friends according to their definition, and I don’t like dinners and parties and rarely go out. I suspect it is their way to say that they don’t think I am a looser; that they think I do have friends and do go out and party. However, I don’t think I am a looser anyway, even if I don’t live up to their idea of a normal social life, so their hopefulness insults me.

 
Definition of friends

The definition of friends, as implied by my family’s inquiries, is: people who are not family but who behave in a family-like manner guided by certain unwritten friendship conventions; who come to visit relatively often and/or vice versa, and who can be drummed together for parties and dinners without it being too awkward. 
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